I want to write something, but I don’t know what. This week has been a horrible one in lots of ways. It’s hard to keep being a functional human being when you’re plodding along. You don’t want to carry a sign over your head, saying “depressed today” but if you don’t tell people, they don’t know. They just wonder why you’re especially irritable or monosyllabic or red-eyed or starey.
I feel like I’ve achieved a lot by actually getting up and going to work each day. And even though I’m not working as efficiently as I could, I am getting through things on my long list. So things aren’t as bleak as all that.
But I hate how when you’re trying to process something or work through emotional stuff, you just have to keep going even though it feels like the whole world ought to stop turning for a while so you can sort stuff out.
Today I snapped at one of our hard working volunteers and he snapped back at me…after a while I went and apologised to him and he apologised to me, so no harm done. He was having a bad day too, it turns out. But I felt ashamed that I had let my emotions get the better of me and lashed out at someone for no reason. I guess we think we’re more in control or more self aware than we are, most of the time.
As I wrote the above, my colleague Tiff just brought me a bowl of caramel apple pudding and custard. Some people just get it.